Failure...

This week so far has been horrible!!

I have eaten toooo much! I feel disguesting. I feel guilty. I miss my hunger pains!

Been going to the beach alot lately. I feel so fat seeing those other girls. I so badly want to be thin but feel like I haven't eaten anything nice in so long... I crave junk foods.

My self-control is usually really good but lately I've been giving in & I will never bring myself to the state of purging so it just sits inside my stomach making me gain weight.

I'm not going to weigh myself for a while probably, maybe next week.

I'm annoyed at myself. I felt like I was doing so well last week and was hoping to do the same this week but instead it has been a nightmare!



Spent the nigth at my cousin's last night. We went to the beach and then back to hers. We stayed up late eating all the clusters out of her mum's favourite cereal (vanilla granola with clusters). They taste so good! I've also eaten a dairy free chocolate bar, overload of cereal, large amount of vegan nachos and the list goes on....



My aunty (who's a bit overweight) has a theory, which alot of people I know totally agree with including my school teacher and parents.

She says "more people die or get sick from stress. It' healthier to not worry about your weight and be a little bit chubby than be super skinny and stress about everything you put in your mouth."

And in a sense I agree also. Alot of people get sick from stress & I'm not happy having to think about food all the time, BUT at the same time I REALLY DON"T WANT TO BE FAT or even a little bit chubby. I want to be stick skinny! I would love to have it handed to me like some people - be stick skinny and eat whatever I like- but unfortunately that's not the case, so... it looks like stress it is!

Wish me luck!



Hoping things get better.. praying for my self control to come back.