H.E.L.P!!

GAH!!!
It's like every Sunday I feel like such a failure!!
I can't stop myself from eating. I want to eat.. I love eating but so badly want to be stick skinny!
And my ex is no motivation- if anything he makes me want to eat more.. So he doesn't think I'm crazy!
He knows I have self-esteem issues.. but i think he likes the fact I'm not full of myself. And boy he's attractive & I hate him for it. I can't contain myself.. he is yet another one of my weaknesses.
What's wrong with me?!?! I can't control anything in my life!
I need help, I need to stay strong, I need to shut my mouth!!!
HELP!!

- I haven't weighed myself in weeks. I bet I'm back to the weight I started at. I can't bare to see those aweful numbers. I hate myself for letting myself get like this. It's summer, I'm a fat cow & my ex is a sexy greek with muscles and a sick tan!